The Ugly Truth About Marriage

My sister warned me that when I got married, I would get fat. I laughed her off and claimed it wouldn't happen to me. HA!!! Go ahead Devin, give me an "I told you so." Not that I was particularly skinny before I got married, but for the most part my curves were in the right places. Now it might be strecthing it to even call them curves..maybe more along the lines of rolls... Many of you who may read this post have no idea what I am talking about, because you are one of those blessed people who are naturally thin and don't have to worry about it. Even some of you with kids... But for anyone who may know where I am coming from, it sucks! I have decided that a little friendly competition will be great for me, so I joined a team at work that is competing in a workplace Biggest Loser competition. They did this last year and several people from my office lost a lot of weight. Leave it to the State, right? Anyway, the contest goes from April 1 to May 28, and the winning team gets a prize. I hope that knowing that 7 other people are depending on me will give me that little extra push... We'll see how it goes. Everyone send me positive skinny thoughts! If only I had Jillian...

My Wish

If I could have one wish, it would be to be able to talk to my dog for one hour. We could resolve so many problems and misunderstandings, and everyone would be happier. Here is a list of things we would talk about.

Sonia:

-Chavez, it's not okay to go to the bathroom in the house, even if you are right by the door.

-It's pretty gross when you sniff other dog's piles of poop.

-Don't be upset when I don't let you lick my face when I've just watched you lick your privates.

-Barking is annoying unless it affects someone's safety.

-I'm never going to let go of the leash and let you get that bird, so don't pull on the leash and cry like someone's killing you everytime you see one, it's embarrassing.

-I'm being serious when I tell you not to eat our socks. It's not secretly a game.

-I don't appreciate it when you want to sleep with your butt in my face, and neither does your dad.

-It's weird when you follow us into the bathroom and stare at us while we pee. Really weird.

-It's ok to be friends with other dogs. They're not all out to get you. You don't have to be a tough guy. After all, you are a chihuahua... I'm not sure tough is in your job description.

Chavez:

-You kiss me too much. I get it, you love me. Geez...

-You go to the bathroom in the house. What's the big deal?

-You know I lick my privates all the time when you're not looking, you should either never let me lick your face or get over it already.

-It's really annoying when you talk to me in a squeaky, baby voice. Mom.

-If you didn't want me to eat the socks, you shouldn't have laughed at me the first time I did it.

-I know that one day you will let go of that leash, especially if I catch you off guard and charge really hard when I see one. I don't know what it means when you say I'm going to pull your arm out of the socket.

-You can't trust anyone!!! I will continue to bark at every dog I see. Except for Harley, I've investigated and he's ok. And Jib, sorry I bit you at Christmas, I'm a better dog now and I hope you'll give me another chance...

-I am a tough guy. Just because I bark like a girl and love my mom a little too much doesn't mean I can't kick some butt. Have you seen my face wrinkles?

-Stop dressing me up. I'm not a doll or a baby. I don't believe you when you say it's to keep me warm.

-I really just love you a lot and don't want you to be mad at me all the time...

So I realize that this will never happen, and I don't actually know what Chavez is thinking(obviously). And for anyone who actually read this post, sorry. Maybe if you have a dog you will understand.